WHY NEW YORK IS BETTER THAN LA

aaronbleyaert:

NY:

This one time I wanted to buy some 40s so I could get real drunk with my buddy Tonyz and we didn’t have a lot of money back in those days and we only ate fishsticks and drank 40s so we went down to the corner bodega in Flatbush Brooklyn where we lived and went to the back where they had the 40s in the fridge but when we got where the 40s were supposed to be there was just this huge bloody skinned goat hanging in there among all the other beverages and the 40s were all set all over the floor like someone had just run in and been like “YO I GOT THIS FUCKING BLOODY GOAT I NEED YOU TO HIDE IT IN THE FRIDGE REAL QUICK I’LL BE BACK LATER” and then they scrambled to the back and took out the 40s and put them all haphazardly all over the floor where they were getting warm and this bloody goat hung in there among the lunch meats and freezer pops and Tonyz and I came along and stumbled across it and were all like “WTF dude?” and the guy was like “I’m not giving you a discount on those 40s they’re still good” and we bought two each anyway even though they were warm and went back to our place and drank them and the guy was right they were still good and did their job real well and we came back like two hours later and the goat was totally gone and everything was put back and we never saw or spoke of it again and to this day I am convinced that there was some shady voodoo mystical shit going on behind the scenes of that place and we narrowly escaped being eaten alive by one of the Elder Ones Who Walk Between The Stars so often written about in the HP Lovecraft books.

LA:

This one time I stumbled down to the convenience store a block away from my house looking for 40s and I asked the cashier “hey, do you guys have 40s?” and the guy was all like “Naw bro, we don’t carry that shit.”

THE END.